Not all obsessive couples start out as opposite sides of the coin; sometimes two obsessively neat people—or two compulsively indolent ones—will team up. But when this happens, generally one or the other gradually takes the opposite role. The reason for this shift is that the obsessive perfectionist needs a manifestation of compulsive sloth as a foil, and the sloth similarly requires a demonstration of tyrannical neatness. If initially half of this dyad is missing, one of them must convert to fill that role. Each then comes to represent an aspect of one’s own personality that is despised, disowned, and projected onto the other—where it can be soundly defeated.

Sex-therapy games for such couples must confront both their obsessive and their compulsive attitudes. These attitudes have strong secondary gratifications: The obsessive control freak gets to set the standards for the couple and to dominate according to those standards, while the compulsive slob defies those standards and undermines the obsessive person. Each derives immense satisfaction from his or her role, which he or she has played since early childhood. Old habits die hard.

The following games address these secondary gratifications and attempt to loosen the grips of obsession-compulsion.

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