Too late for a baby

« It’s never too late. What a silly saying! It is too late for me to have a family. And now I regret it. I suppose they mean it is never too late to repent. But no sin. I just put it off”. Felt good at the time. Put it off. Now it haunts me. I shall remain unfulfilled until the day I die. I don’t talk about it. He does not know how I feel. Really think he is quite happy as it is. Strange how one does not understand the other. I can accept it. But the thought of it is there. Worrying me. Perhaps I don’t accept it. I don’t know. Punishment for having had a good time. Must you be punished for having a good time? Is a good time bad? It’s just that I put it off. »

What’s done cannot be undone. But the rumination about it can be brought to an end.

Life goes on. One stage moves to the next. She has moved into a phase of life of accepted childlessness. When in transition from one stage to another, the increased activity of our brain leaves us more vulnerable to stress.

Regrets

«It may seem silly, but I have regrets. It’s not that the regrets are silly. It’s the way they keep worrying me. Wish I had spent more time with the children when they were young. I did as much as most people, but feel I could have done more. And Aunt Mary. She had been good to me in the early days. We drifted apart. Wish I could have reconciled things with her before she died. Just silly things. I know them to be silly. But the thought of them keeps stirring my brain. There is no quiet within me, although people comment that I seem so relaxed. ÓÓ

We are human. The human state is full of shortcomings. We can strive towards perfection. But to set God-like standards for what we do is to exalt ourselves beyond our human condition. We are what we are. Improve ourselves within our limits. But let us accept what we are. We forgive others for their shortcomings. The least we can do is to consider ourselves with equal forgiveness. And just if you wish it, seek forgiveness from God.

*11/98/5*

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This entry was posted on Thursday, April 23rd, 2009 at 8:21 am and is filed under Anti Depressants-Sleeping Aid. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.